#selfie

My trusty companion!
Disclaimer: If I should die,
please burn this immediately.
Thanks ;)

Today not only marks the final day of Term 1 of my 2^nd year, but also the final page of the 4^th journal I’ve completed since arriving here. I’d never kept a journal before coming to Uganda and I doubt I’ll continue it much longer after arriving home, but I’m so thankful I’ve made it a point to jot down some small passage of everyday I’ve lived here.

This journal started off with the decline into my lowest point in country and now it’s ending with the highest.

After reading through some old entries, I felt like I’ve been a very selfish person. So many sentences started with “I”.

“I want to go home.”
“I hate this feeling.”

“I can’t stop crying.”

It made me think about how much of an emotional roller coaster this experience is. How we come here to help others, but it’s 110% true that we get more than we could ever possibly give. In the grand scheme of things, me as one person isn’t going to make that big of a difference and when I leave, no one will ever fully understand what it was like here. That feeling of uselessness is very common among PCVs and it was something I definitely struggled with. But now I’ve come to realize that it’s ok to feel like I’m here for me. All we can really do is try to be a better person than we were yesterday. So this has led me to some serious reflection time about myself, who I used to be and who I am now.

This time of “finding myself” again has been full of its own kind of surprises. It kind of freaks me out how much I’ve changed in the last 17 months and I wonder how I’ll see and be seen once I’m back home. At the same time, I keep rediscovering things that I’ve somehow forgotten about myself. For example, last night I put in my headphones and cranked up some Slipknot at full volume while lying on my couch with my eyes closed (something I’d do back in the day to unwind). It was simply therapeutic.

I never realized how much I miss my car. Not only for ease of transportation, but for the fact that it’s a place I could be totally alone. I could drive anywhere playing whatever music I wanted singing as loud as I could and no one would be around to hear. I could release built up frustrations or scream with joy when I was there. It was my place to get away. A place I was totally free to be myself.

Of course we weren’t created to live in total solitude, but this doesn’t mean we need to rely on people for our happiness either. I feel like I was doing too much of that last year and it only led to a decrease in my self confidence. This year, I feel like I’ve gained back my independence and can enjoy being with people without feeling the need to be with them. It’s refreshing.

Anyway, this post has kind of changed directions in my head about five times now, but I think the point I’m trying to make is that sometimes it’s good and healthy to be a little selfish. Coming to this realization, as well as having some remarkable friends, family, and community members by my side, has really put me in a great place. I’m super happy and content with where I am right now, and really, isn’t that what life’s about?

Miracle on Mt. Elgon

A few hours drive from where I live is Mt. Elgon. Me and a few friends decided to go there for our Easter weekend celebration. Here’s how it went down:

At the top, I felt so great!
The wide, open field with cows
made it feel a bit like home :)
The gorgeous view overlooking the
mountainous landscape made it feel awesome ;)

My good friend who is a fellow PCV works with a guy who went to school with a guy who knows a guy who lives up in the mountains. It was somehow miraculously arranged that we would go for a visit in a couple of weeks time. (If you know anything about Uganda, you know doing ANYTHING in a couple weeks time is simply amazing.)

It had been arranged for a matatu (“14” passenger taxi) to pick us up from town and drive out into a village where we would then begin our hike. Rainy season, dirt roads, and hills don’t always mix though and we got stuck. The ride after that was a bit scary, but beautifully scenic.

These muddy village roads

After finally arriving to the village and hearing some nice welcoming songs from some primary school pupils, we set off on our journey. Some police men started walking with us; something I don’t think was previously arranged. (Who was watching the station??)

We always draw a crowd

The “trail” that we were hiking on, was one untouched by foreigners. A narrow, muddy path that the locals use every day to go to school, the market, fetch water, or whatever else they need to do.

It was a bit terrifying because one slip and you’re rolling down the sharp drop right next to you. Meanwhile, as you’re cautiously watching your footing, barefooted children carrying bags twice their size are running past you.

During the hike

It took us two hours to reach our destination at the top, but we made it in one piece! (Barely. I totally wiped out on a rock while crossing a stream at one point.) The view was absolutely amazing and we all felt pretty awesome for climbing up near the clouds.

Feelin' safer all the time

We were the first foreigners these people had seen and we were immediately surrounded by children as we set up our tents. Our hosts provided us with lunch, dinner, and breakfast, led us on a continued hike further up the ridge, and even offered to heat some water so we could have warm bucket baths!

While climbing down the next day, I felt so in awe of the world. I thought of these people and how they live. As we’re huffing and puffing going up just for fun, they have to do this every day to survive. Its incredible how isolated they are. They have so little money, yet they were still not expecting us to pay anything for everything they were giving us. I wonder what they think of Americans now. This will probably be something they’ll always remember.

Ugandans are amazing people

It was only a two day journey, but it was one of my favorite and most memorable times here. Of course the view was insane and the hiking and camping were “in-tents” (haha!), but also meeting such a community is something very few people have the privilege of doing. This experience has further opened my eyes to how different two lives can be and it’s just mind-blowingly spectacular! <3

Sunset on a remarkable Easter Sunday